Yogurt

We've been living under the horrifying spectre of random health products for so long we can't even recognize a laxative anymore. Just to reiterate what every reasonable person ought to think when they see this: A yogurt company has created a patented, trademarked new bacteria that somehow finds it's way unscathed to your lower intestines, where it performs all the oddjobs your native intestinal flora is just to damn lazy for, which you notice because of the improved regularity of your bowel movements? Where can I get it? If they can do this, why am I still waiting for tar-scrubbing nanobots in my cigarettes?