You try the survival! Huanxi Condoms!

Engrish.com can offer you many hours of entertainment. I like my mangled English best if the concepts described badly are completely foreign to Western Culture as well. Drivers behaving in a harmonious fashion so that all of traffic is in balance with the universe is a genuine Chinese traffic rule. But the above example is becoming more and more common. Asian cultures using English in much the same way English speakers use Chinese Characters, symbols that give an illusion of meaning, but appear absurd to people who speak the language. There must be a Chinese web archive somewhere with pictures of the ubiquitous Chinese Character tattoos on deluded Westerners, supposedly standing for health, happiness, good luck. I shudder to think of the possibilities.

The death of surrealism

I haven't been watching the new series of Shooting stars, but there is still the possibility of Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer coming back to do a sketch show. I really miss seeing stuff like this on a regular weekday. It's not that current comedy is boring or that this kind of stuff is always great, but it's all just so realistic and reasonable. It's almost like nobody wants to do it anymore, just having something weird and silly. There's still standups like Eddie Izzard, and the mighty boosh, but as a whole the last couple of years feel less and less like anything can happen, and more and more like, everything as already happened. This whole decade was like seeing that cloned sheep on TV, the most mundane kind of future you could imagine. In other words let's try and invent and rocket car or something before 2020, or just bring back surrealism.

G-spot Gone!

Terrible news, it's like hearing they bulldozed Disneyland. I was so sure I'd been there, but it was all in my dreams, apparently. There is some hope, though. The research only proved that there is no physical difference between women who claim to have it, and those that don't. It could still be psychological. It like to try a little reality hacking here, you've all read or seen peter pan, right? If we just believe in it, we could make it real. Everyone around the world clap your hands if you believe in the G-spot, don't let it die!

Reassembling Post-Human Hermeneutics: An Essay about Sub-semiotic Totalities in Modern Culture

If you, like me, have at some point flirted with Post-modernist theory and all it entails, you may be aware of the immense possibilities for gibberish. Though a lot of the ideas explained to me by friends who did go down this road seemed appealing, reading Derrida or Heidegger always bored me much more than my desire to learn. There is actually a point to their use of language, but let's not forget that the field is also littered with people faking it, or just not making sense outside of their own heads. The basic problem as I see it, is that inexpertly deconstructing things is analogous to throwing a frog in a blender instead of dissecting it. If you can't take certain things as a given, you simply won't find anything useful. This page is a comprehensive archive of the discussion sparked off by physicist Alan Sokal when he decided to create a random article generator and publish the results. Hilarious fun for a lazy Sunday afternoon.
And this link lets you make your own. Enjoy!

What fresh hell is this?

A couple of years ago, I was sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'd seen or heard of any possible perversion the internet could produce. I was of course, wrong. I hadn't even scratched the surface. But this link at least covers hundreds of things I'm just not creative enough for. I think I can safely say I'd never considered romantic/sexual pairings between continents and elements from the periodic table. Or this:
"Summary: Neptune comforts Pluto when he is rejected as a planet. NeptunexPluto. Mild planet!slash.
Warnings: Personification of planets, planet!kissing, etc. Just...really, really out there."

I aim to proven wrong again this year...